Max has Angel Wings....

We were given so many wonderful gifts yesterday that we are so grateful for. This morning the gifts kept coming. We haven't seen rabbits around our property for a few months now. In the summer and early fall, we were trying to live trap these 2 rabbits that were getting into our backyard because our boys always want to eat the rabbit milk duds left all around our yard. We especially don't want Max eating them right now but Sammy goes to town on them, running feverishly through the backyard searching for tiny pellets..... and his breath - OH BOY! But, thankfully the rabbits wised up (or were rehomed by hawks or coyotes) and they disappeared awhile back, giving Colin and I a much needed break from chasing Sammy around screaming "Stop eating rabbit poop!".

Today we are taking Max to MSU to help him along to gain his angel wings. On this last morning, my husband, Colin, took Max out for his morning potty break. Before they even stepped off the back deck, the chase was on. Max, who has been very slow moving the last few weeks from his disc issue and not feeling well, took off like a ...... well, like a cancer free dog chasing a rabbit. :) Max saw the little milk dud imposter and lept off the back deck like he was superman and took off running. His 4 legs carried him as fast as they could and for a moment, he was just Max chasing a rabbit. He wasn't sick. He wasn't injured. He wasn't tired. He didn't have cancer. He was my black & white furry playful rabbit chasing Max. What a gift to see!

The day you know you are taking your furry loved one to gain his angel wings is really a tough day on so many levels. Everything for them that day is going to be their last. It was tough thinking "this will be his last time in our backyard" or "this will be the last time he sees his brother until they meet again one day" or "this is the last bite of food he is ever going to enjoy." Ugh. I had to keep shifting my mind away from the "this will be the last time" thoughts to focusing on the moment and just enjoying time with our boy.

Then there is the decision "What blanket do we bring with us? Do we bring his favorite toys? Do we keep them with him or bring them home after?" Ahead of time there is the "I want to clip some of his hair so we have it" or "Let's get a mold of his nose or We need paw prints made". The weeks leading up to that final day are hurried and rushed with all the "Need tos" and "Want to have that" and it's really a mind screwer upper. With people, normally, we are not helping them along. Except for Dr. Kevorkian (unless it's legal now in some states) we normally don't help along people in gaining their angel wings. That is usually left to God and time and disease or natural causes or tragedy. It is a difficult thing to wrap your mind around ending the life of someone or something you love (although to us, Max will never be a something - he is a someone to us always). Maybe some of you that have helped your fur babies along understand some of what I am saying.

Well.....

The time has come and it was time to leave. Max and Sammy sniffed each other as we put on Max's harness to leave. We know that his brother, Sammy, knew he was sick. We know that Sammy knew Max was really sick these past few days, because he gave us the space and time we needed to take care of Max. Sammy would lay on the couch and watch us as we cleaned up Max after potty breaks (still having bad diarrhea). He watched as we wiped him down and put his double diapies on and then lifted him onto the mattress where we have been camping out for a few weeks now. He watched as we hovered over Max and sang him his favorite songs and as we told Max everything we have ever wanted him to know. Sammy watched. He watched as we headed out the door to the car and cried out to his brother for the last time.

As we headed to the vet school on MSU's campus where Max had been treated for the past several months, Max and I snuggled in the backseat for the hour long drive. We rolled down the window so Max could stick his head out and breathe in the fresh crisp air and take in all the smells. My husband and I talked about how blessed we have been to have had this fur baby in our lives and we reminisced about how we got Max and how we knew it was God ordained that this boy was ours. I had to take a lot of deep breaths and tried to get as many kissies as I could during the drive. I thought it was important we didn't cry or show that we were upset bc I didn't want Max's last car ride to be sad for him. These fur babies feed off our emotions and I had really tried over the past month or so to keep my tears in private and when I was feeling overwhelmed, I slipped away to handle myself rather than doing it in front of the dogs.

I found myself clutching Max on my lap, stroking his fur between my fingers and trying to memorize every single stroke. Colin and I talked about the things we were grateful for. We reminisced the silly antics and the crazy experiences we had with Max. We talked about how he bursted his way into our lives and all the moves we had with him, the different houses, the different backyards he made his, and the holidays, birthdays, and ripped up pillows and toys we experienced together.

As we walked in to MSU, we received yet another gift. With the nature of Max's disease, it has affected the way he goes potty. In the past few weeks, he pees in a low stance (more like a girl dog pees) and in the past few days you can see it has become increasingly uncomfortable for him to pee. It is even painful to watch and I often have to wipe away tears when taking him potty. But, as we walked into MSU, Max walked right up to this cement pole and threw his leg in the air as high as it would go, and although he was still wearing a diapy :), he pee'd. He stood there in the male dog stance, leg lifted as high as it would go, him looking as proud and healthy as can be, and he pee'd. It brought tears to both of our eyes. We stood there amazed, laughing, and crying with HUGE smiles on our faces. Not a gift to most.... but definitely a gift to us.

We were ushered into a room and ahead of time we were able to choose who we wanted in there with us so we chose the head of Oncology, Dr. Paulo Vilar and the head of the radiation team, Leanne Magestro. Both of which took such great care of our Max during this journey and meant a lot to us. Max was pretty fiesty, and I had warned Colin that we can't be fooled by this behavior and let that deter us from this decision bc Max always was pretty hyper and had lots of adrenaline at the vet. Even after a double treatment of both radiation and chemo, he would come bursting through the doors dragging a vet tech behind him. They tried to put in an IV while we were in the room with him but his vein blew bc he couldn't sit still, so they took him into the back.

Colin and I had brought his bankie with us and his bed and we sat on the floor starting to feel panicked. I started to rock, as you know I do when I am stressed, and we both started breathing fast to the point we couldn't catch our breath. We both started crying and we exchanged words about how difficult this was. I grabbed his hands, we took several deep long breaths together in unison, and I said "We can do this. We can do this Colin".

Then, in walked our Max. He was much calmer now, and I am convinced and ever-so-thankful that they probably slipped him a micky in the back. He immediately laid down in his bed. He snuggled up against the side like he always did at home and he put his head down. I bent down and asked him for a kiss which he gladly gave me. Colin got one, too. Leanne asked if we were ready to which I replied, "No".

I always use to sing to Max and Sammy. We have a special song I always sing at bedtime and Max would fall asleep to it. It's been a tradition for quite some time. I wanted to sing him his bedtime song. So, I took a deep breath and started to sing. I had to talk through most of it and Colin chimed in, too, as we sang these sweet words.

The rocket racer's all tuckered out,
Max & Sam in pajamas on the couch,
Good night moon will find the mouse,
And I love you.....

God speed little Max,
Sweet dreams my Max.

Oh my love will fly to you each night 
On angel's wings.....
God speed.... 
Sweet dreams.

Sweet dreams my love.
Sweet dreams.

With that, I let her know we were ready. Max fell asleep soundly as he rested against the side of his bed with us holding him in our arms.

Our sweet Max was gone.

Just like that, he gained his angel wings.

It was very peaceful. It was fast.

Our boy was gone.

We have no doubt when he opened his eyes in heaven, he bum-rushed Jesus and took a flying superman leap into his arms and slobbered him with kissies, just as he did to us all the time.

We are sure that Max has probably had many time-outs in heaven, just like he did when he went to daycare, from annoying the other dogs too much. We have no doubt that he is running free, whole and healed, and oh so happy. He is probably wiping his wanks on things, barking and trying to eat bees, and he is probably so so happy.

Our boy has wings and is watching over us. He is our guardian angel and has left paw prints so deep in our hearts that we can feel him every day. Our brown almond shaped eyed boy with black & white soft fur that kissed us till our faces were raw is now in heaven.... and we are forever changed bc of him.

Cancer did not win today my friends. I have always said and will continue to say, that we ALL won bc we knew a black and white dog named Max.

xoxoxo,
Brenda

The Day Before We said Goodbye to our Max.....

We took Max back to MSU on Monday, 10/21 to meet with the head of oncology to discuss Max. Max seems to be regressing and we wanted to discuss whether this could be from the new chemo protocol and treatment or if his cancer has progressed.

His doctors weren't too sure since his last scans show no progression on his main tumor or lymph nodes BUT there was cancer detected in the fluid in his abdomen. The head oncologist at MSU said that cancer can be tricky and the main tumor can remain stable while cancer finds other ways to affect the body (like traveling through tissue, etc). It was hard to tell at this point, even for them, so we were taking things day by day.

We had decided at this point that we were going to stop chemo treatments bc if this was from the chemo, we didn't want our boy feeling so bad. He was just doing so well and in an instant, he seemed to be regressing quickly. He hasn't wanted to eat, he has been experiencing horrible diarrhea since his 3rd chemo treatment of Vinblastine, and we are just trying to right his body at this point. We are desperately hoping this is just from chemo and as the chemo leaves his body, his symptoms will lessen and we can just ride out Max's time with him feeling good.

We were taking things day by day, bc if it is not the chemo, and indeed the cancer that has progressed, we don't want our boy suffering. We can't let that happen. Each day this week Max would sleep more and more until he was sleeping 90% of the time. Each day he was taking further steps backwards and almost not eating at all. We tried EVERYTHING we could. He would eat only certain things, but he wouldn't touch chicken or other things that he use to love and he would usually never eat something more than once. We were going through our arsenal in the pantry trying fish, chicken, beef, baby food, canned dog food, lunch meat.... you name it. Our boy just didn't want to eat.

We were getting to the point where we were having to pick him up to get him to go outside. When he'd go out, he wanted to be there. He'd go potty and then sually lie down in the grass and just stay there. Max knew his time was coming and he just wanted to smell the crisp air and lie down in the grass.

We were all still camping out together in the living room and Colin and I had a good system down with Maxie. We would take him outside together and since he was still having diarrhea (since 10/15), it would take the two of us to make sure he was cleaned up well and had his diapy back on and to make sure he was comfortable. His butt rash was all healed up now and we had found our rhythm. Colin was sleeping on the couch with Sammy Lammington and Max and I were sleeping together on the mattress we drug out from our bedroom. We'd go to sleep together and we'd wake up together. The days ticked by.

As the week progressed, we were realizing more and more that this was most likely NOT from the chemo and that it was indeed from the cancer. Someone from our Brittany group that we belong to sent me a "How do you know when your pet is telling you it's time" list and Max fit almost all of them. He was sleeping round the clock. He was not interacting with toys. On Wednesday he started refusing all of his pills (even when we put them in yummies like lunch meat or cheese). Max was only getting up to go to the bathroom and then he wanted to lie right back down. His quality of life was starting to suffer.

On Thursday I went to McDonald's to buy Max and Sammy a cheeseburger. I was desperate to get some food in him and I figured a cheeseburger was just what the doctor ordered. Max LOVED cheeseburgers and special treats from McDonald's so I really thought this would be the trick.

When I walked in the door, he looked up with excitement and walked towards me. I was so hopeful! I ripped off a piece of burger and he just turned his face away and went to go and lie back down. He wanted nothing to do with it. I started crying. My boy didn't even want a cheeseburger.

That afternoon I was talking with Max and letting him know how much I loved him and I told him everything I wanted him to know. It was just him and I. I let him know how much I loved him and how he had saved me and changed my life. I told my Max all of the things on my heart and I let him know that Colin, Sammy, and I were going to be ok. I let him know it was ok for him to go. Max sat there listening intently and stared at me and listened to every single word I said. We ended the conversation with a kiss and he just stared at me. I stared right back in his eyes and if he could talk I think he would have said "Mama I am so tired. I am ready to go now". I just felt it with all my being that that is what my Max was telling me.

I talked with Colin and we called MSU to set up an appt for the next day to take him in. I couldn't even get the words out to the receptionist on the phone. I had to keep taking deep breaths and when I would go to speak, just noises came out. No words could be formed. The poor lady on the other end said "I understand". Sigh.

That afternoon, we took Max outside and we were given such a beautiful gift. Max laid down in the grass. We laid next to him. I took out my phone and started taking pics and it was as if the world stopped and everything was about that one moment. Max didn't act sick. He would stick his nose up in the air and smell all the smells he could. He would turn his head to the side when he heard a leaf crunch and he'd bite at the air when a fly flew by. He was giving kissies, trying to eat leaves, and acting like his normal crazy self. What a gift. Our hearts were full. Just me, Colin, and my Max.

As the day turned into night, we really wanted Max to try and eat again. We couldn't stand the thought of him going to heaven on an empty stomach. We decided we need to make something really good - something he couldn't resist.... so we made his absolute favorite.

I took out a package of bacon and laid 5 strips on my sheet pan and crisped them up in the oven. Max couldn't resist the smell. His nose went crazy as he lifted his head and took a deep breath in to smell smell smell. Max ate bacon that night. He shared with his brofur, Sammy, but Max ate and enjoyed every single bite. And after the bacon.... he ate his cheeseburger. The whole darn thing. It was marvelous.

It made us so happy that our boy enjoyed his last meal and it was a meal that he always loved.

Our boy, some bacon and a cheeseburger.

After he ate his bacon and cheeseburger, he walked into the kitchen and walked straight through Colin's legs for butt scratchies. Max has always LOVED his butt scratchies and he'd walk halfway through your legs and stop for butt scratchies. He would stomp his feet up and down and wiggle his little booty. Tonight after dinner, it was butt scratchy time. Stomp stomp stomp. Wiggle wiggle wiggle. All of Max's favorites rolled into one special day. Another gift we are so thankful for.

Right at dusk, we went outside for a potty break and I stopped dead in my tracks. Every night for the past few months, I was greeted at night time with a dark black sky and white specks everywhere. God serenaded me every night with a sky blanketed with stars and constellations. It was very soothing to me to be out there at all hours of the night and into the morning taking Max out for his potty breaks while conversing with God through the stars and the different phases of the moon.

But tonight was different. As I walked out onto our back porch, it wasn't a black sky that greeted me. It was a blanket of purple shades. I immediately started to cry as I whispered "I see you God".

You see, every time I pray for peace and comfort for others, I pray that God would "drape them with a blanket of peace & comfort" and I always envision a large purple blanket being laid down over whomever I am praying for. Tonight. the day before Max was going to be in heaven, God was draping us. The sky was shades of purple and it looked like a purple blanket waiting just for us. I took great comfort in know that God was very near.

It was around midnight now and we were going out one last time for the night before bedtime. Just hours before, the sky was a cloudy purple and it had been super cloudy most of the day. I didn't think I would see a star in the sky tonight. Boy was I wrong. We walked out around 12am to a sky full of stars. That sparkly glitter I have talked about before was thrown into the air and settled against this black backdrop. Hello God. I see you again.

For now, we cover ourselves in purple and we marvel at the stars in the sky and we thank God for the gifts He gave us today.

Until tomorrow my friends......








 

Max and the Stars.....

Max was pretty restless last night and he didn't want to go to bed. I think it was bc he was super tired during the day yesterday and mostly slept. He is sleeping a lot.

He is not wanting to eat much. We have been able to get him to eat burger but he's getting bored with that so I boiled a chicken which he usually loves, but he turned his nose up to it. Colin made him a steak so he had some of that this morning with some bone broth. He's barely eating though. :( His diarrhea continues, although not quite as much (maybe 5 times yesterday). We have cut him down on his meds and are only giving him what he needs at this point.

It's incredibly hard to tell if the way he is feeling is chemo related or cancer related. If we knew it was chemo for sure and that he would get better in a few days or week, that would be great. We just want our boy back. If we knew 100% for sure this was the cancer and it was not going to get any better, we would help him along to meet God. The last thing we want to do is to put him down if these are just chemo symptoms. We are praying like crazy for clarity. Please join us in that prayer so we can be confident.

At 1am he decided he wanted to go outside so outside we went! To say the stars were insane last night is an understatement. They were breathtaking! He ran tonight outside. It was more of a happy fast jog, and although he's on bed rest and shouldn't be running, I let the boy run. He laid down in the wet grass (it was raining) and just wanted to lay there, so we laid. The air was crisp, the stars were shining and there wasn't a sound around. Just utter peace and quiet. I decided to let him lay and I headed towards the door to sit on the deck. The next thing I know, there was a Maxie galloping towards me. It was like old times. No pain. No care in the world. Just me, my Max, and the stars.

xoxoxo,

Brenda

MSU Appt. with Head of Oncology.... (10/21/19)

I woke up this morning to something wet on my face. When I opened my eyes, I saw a furry black and white face shoved up against mine and Max was kissing me. Of all days, this is how I woke up today. <3 I can't think of a better way to wake up in the morning!!! <3

We ALL slept from 11pm - 6:15am this morning. It is the most sleep straight that Max and all of us have had in months! I asked him if he had good dreams and he kissed me again. :)

Max's swelling has decreased probably by half in the past 24 hours! His abdomen swelling is down by probably more than half and his leg swelling is down by probably half.

We headed to MSU to meet with the head of the Oncology Dept (he is who we initially met with when we first went to MSU for a 2nd opinion on Max's diagnosis). It was a long day to say the least. Max did NOT gain his angel wings just yet. He is alert today like yesterday and the swelling is 50% down from the weekend. He has gone over 12 hours now without diarrhea so we are thinking and hoping his body is righting itself.

Dr. Paulo said there are not clear answers as to why Max is experiencing the issues he is having. Typically, with dogs with cancer, the reason for the edema (swelling) is the disease is spreading. 😞 Even though Max's tumor and lymph nodes are stable, cancer can be a tricky jerk and find other ways to spread through other vehicles like blood and tissue. When this happens, they will experience swelling and it does not typically right itself and things go down hill from there. He believes this is the case for Max.

However, there has been a shift in his swelling over the past 24 hours, including him going from knocking on heaven's gates on Saturday to being bright and alert on Sunday and then again today (Monday 10/21). The doctor was very surprised by this bc he said it doesn't normally happen this way. This leads me to believe the swelling and diarrhea and GI upset is from his new chemo med that he is just not doing well with. The doctor said there is honestly no way of knowing.

Where we go from here is we go day by day. We see if Max continues to rebound and get better and we see if the fluid goes away more, if the diarrhea goes away, and if he starts eating well again (still super picky).

We are not going to let him suffer. We were ready to put him down today. Our prayer since last week and this weekend was for God to make our path straight and to let us know if it was time, and honestly, if he hadn't had that turn around in the past 24 hours, he would have been with God today.

We will see what the next few days and week holds. We thank you for your continued prayers for us all. I personally believe that the only reason he has some what rebounded is bc God heard ALL of our prayers and your prayers and moved on our behalf. It's either that or God doesn't have enough pillows up there so he needs to stock up first.

Either way, we are trusting God's plan, focusing on Him and enjoying our time with Max. God isn't ready for him yet so until then, we will just keep praying, hoping, and loving our sweet boy.

Cost of treatment:
$201.25 

My Backyard Sanctuary.....

Our backyard is extremely private. We have over 40 trees on our property and many of those are very large pines. We don't have any neighbors close to us and our property is surrounded by rolling hills and hundreds of acres of fields on all 4 sides. It is very private and quiet, except for the Sand Hill Cranes that often pass through making noises from the Jurassic period.

Our backyard has started to become a bit of a sanctuary for me. I have vowed to not cry in the house any more around the dogs bc they really can feel our emotions and I don't want to add any more stress to our boys. Our younger dog, Sammy Lammington, is handling things so well and he knows something is wrong with his brother. He stands over and watches us take care of him and he is so brave when we have to leave him for long days when we head to MSU for treatments. Our boy Sammy Lammington is such a sweetheart.

It is tough to cry inside the house any way bc my husband works from home and is on the phone a lot or doing video teleconferences, so crying and letting it out indoors isn't too much of an option for me. I have found that I just sometimes need to let it out so I go outside. I have so many emotions with what our Maxie is going through; sorrow, grief, stress, anxiety, thanksgiving, joy, and exhaustion. When I say exhaustion, I mean true exhaustion. . I am working on very little sleep each night and during the day there is a lot of care that needs to be done so exhaustion has set in and with that, comes more tears.

Sometimes I don't know how I will get it all done but that is when God sends me strength through our friends and family that are supporting us. God is providing. He has been since day one.

As you probably already know, sometimes just letting it out is good for you! Whether it's going to a comedy club and laughing until you pee - laughing is good for your soul!

Sometimes screaming is a great outlet. Have you seen any of those Mayo Clinic commercials where the person is shown standing on the side of the road or in the forest and they are just screaming at the top of their lungs and then at the end of the commercial you see their car driving in  to the parking lot of the Mayo Clinic. Screaming can be good, too. Crying can also be a great outlet and a way to let off some steam and to reset your mind and heart when you are going through a difficult time.

I have found that I can just let loose outside and cry my eyes out. Our backyard has become the place (besides my car) where I cry out my heart to God. Sometimes I scream. Sometimes I cry uncontrollably. Sometimes I ask God for guidance, but most of the time, I just weep.

I go out and walk the property and just cry. It's a great release. Sometimes I cry so hard that the shovel I am holding on to is the only thing that is keeping me from falling down. My cries are never angry tears. They are tears of grief and sorrow for our sweet boy and what he is going through and knowing we won't see him as a senior dog. It is grief knowing that I won't have him around to follow me through the house or to greet me when I come home any more. My tears are cries of joy for the fact we have even had this sweet furry guy in the first place and being thankful to God for giving him to us. My cries are for God to continue to give us strength and comfort as we navigate these uncharted waters and try to help our Maxie.

God provides the space and I provide the tears. God has provided a beautiful space for me in our backyard. At night, the moon and the stars give me light. I gasp when I see the country sky just FILLED with stars as I stand there while Max potty's during all hours of the night. I point out the constellations and the beauty that God gives me on those dark quiet nights. It's honestly as if he sees me coming and grabs a handful of sparkle and tosses it right above our house. It's as if God says "I'm here and I'm listening to you Brenda". And I know He is.

Our backyard has become my sanctuary where my feet and shovel hold me up, where my tears and cries are screamed and where my prayers are heard by God.

I am so thankful.

xoxoxo

The Weekend We Almost Lost Max.....

 After Max had his #2 Vinblastine chemo treatment he really struggled with constipation and on day 9 (10/9/19) he started experiencing really bad GI tract upset. He was vomiting off and on. He wasn't eating normal and was really picky about what he wanted to eat and he was generally off when it came to his stomach and pooping regime. He became very constipated and we were going days without pooping and praying to do the poop dance for many days. There were dozens of people following along on his journey and anxiously awaiting news of a good poop (it's totally true :).

During this time he was still in pain from what we thought was muscle and joint pain, but would later find out was a disk issue in his back. We went in for his #3 Vinblastine Chemo treatment and wanted to have tests and scans ran first to see if his cancer had spread so we could try and pin point what was happening with his tummy and pain bc we weren't sure we wanted to do this next round of chemo.

After running tests (see blog post about this) we decided to do the #3 Vinblastine chemo treatment (10/15) since it seems to be holding his main tumor stable. We were loaded up with a whole new med regime to help with his pain and a new med to help his GI tract.

Once Max started this new medication regime, his pain has been remedied and he appears to have no Ondansetrone (GI tract med), bc that can also give diarrhea.

discomfort however, he started having horrible diarrhea almost immediately. We aren't sure if it's the chemo (which can give them diarrhea) or if it is the

We had to buy depends diapers on 10/16 bc he was sharting. (Max is around 50lbs and he is wearing women's size s/m. We also put a women's size xl on top of that for extra coverage). He began sharting (farting and poop spurting out). It was uncontrollable for him. We started him on the depends diapers and he would poop in his pants (not full blown poops but the sharting). He has now started to leak a little pee in these as well (he was never incontinent before besides 1 or two very rare occasions). This went on for days.

He has decline rapidly with wanting to eat and is now on strict kibble since that is the only thing he will somewhat eat. He is sleeping most of the day and still being picky with food. Again, he is experiencing straight diarrhea really bad (probably 10 times a day). His butt has become extremely raw so I started using neosporin on his backside to help but switched quickly over to diaper rash ointment (which was a miracle for us and cleared it up within 4 days).

Thursday, 10/17, his legs started to swell and his abdomen starting filling with more fluid (almost twice what it was on 10/15). We took him to the emergency room at MSU to see what the swelling was about and we were told it was because he is on bed rest due to his disk issue to his body is having a hard time circulating the fluids. We now start leg massages (from the toes up to his thighs) along with warm compresses 4-5 times a day.

Friday, 10/18 was much of the same. Not wanting to get up or move. Only wanted some chicken to eat but hardly ate at all and just overall lethargic and tired. He is drinking well but still has diarrhea. He started peeing fully in his diapy today. Could be all the water he's drinking and not wanting to get up or the extra fluid in his body trying to leave.

On Saturday, 10/19 he's still fully peeing in his diapy but we think it's bc of the fluid moving through his body and the amount of water we are giving him to avoid dehydration. He is not wanting to eat anything at this point. We took him off the GI tract med (Ondansetrone) bc we think that could be exacerbating his diarrhea. He wouldn't eat anything today but our friend Amy Pluth suggested lean burger and that was a winner! He gobbled that up with rice on Saturday night (thanks Amy!). We were thinking we were going to have to put him down because at this point, he isn't moving. When we need to take him outside, he won't even get up. We have to lift him to go pee (although he is going in his diapy). His legs and abdomen are still swollen and he struggled to eat most of the day today except for the late night lean burger. We made an appt with MSU for Monday (that is when the oncology team returns from their conference) and if he stays this way all weekend, we will most likely put him down on Monday. It is really hard to see him this way and this is not the quality of life we want for our boy. We talked about how we'd bring his bed with us and his bankie and what our plans were for Max (we decided to have him cremated).

Lots of praying and talking with God and asking for clarity. We aren't sure if these are symptoms from chemo or a downhill spiral from the cancer so trying to differentiate those two are near impossible. When we meet with the team on Monday at MSU, we are hoping to get clarity. Also, praying that God gives us clarity so we know what to do. We have asked God for clear signs as to what we should do. We just want to make sure our boy has a good quality of life and that he does not suffer so we are praying and keeping that in the forefront of our minds.

On Sunday, 10/20, Max woke up bright and alert!!! A big turn around from the past few days! He wanted to be outside a lot and was lying in the grass and on the deck and enjoying the sunshine. He is eating burger and rice and was awake with no naps from 6am- 4pm! This is so good! Could this be the sign we were asking God for!?!?! His legs are still swollen but the fluid in his tummy has gone down by half! He is peeing all the time and pooping straight water, so we think this is the fluid leaving his body. We will take it!

He is eating well and even flew off the bed when he smelled me making his burger for dinner. He even stomped his feet to beg us for our lunch! Max was much better today and in good spirits, was active, walked around a lot, and was a complete turn around from the past 5 days.

We head to MSU tomorrow to speak with his doctors but at this point, by Sunday night, we are pretty sure Max has a few more days ahead of him. We are taking this turn as a sign from God that it is just not his time quite yet.

We are going to have a blood panel ran and protein test done to see how everything looks and talk about his cancer, stopping chemotherapy and Max's over all care and prognosis.

xoxoxo,
Brenda

xoxoxo,
Brenda

Emergency Room Vet Visit - MSU 10/17/19

Around 5:30p tonight we noticed Max had severe swelling in his left leg. We already know he has fluid buildup in his abdomen (most likely from GI upset from Vinblastine chemo drug) but his leg swelling is totally new. He had a huge golf ball sized sack that was filled with fluid protruding from his knee on his left lef and his right leg was slightly swollen. We immediately left for MSU to the emergency room. 

His entire oncology team (the entire dept) is currently in Texas for a conference so we were told there were no oncologists to speak with so I was desperately trying to get a hold of his team via email. We waited in the ER for 2.5 hours to be seen and we finally saw a clinician that looked at his legs.  

We were told that because he’s on bed rest and he’s inactive right now due to his back, the fluid in his body isn’t moving around well. On a healthy dog, the lymphatic system would adjust due to the inactivity and work harder to move the fluid around but bc his lymph nodes are compromised due to the cancer, they can’t keep up with the demand to move the fluid. Since he’s on bed rest, the fluid is building up in his back legs. His one leg looked like he had a snake bite bc it was soooooooo swollen like a protruding golf ball and his feet and legs were huge.

He’s still on bed rest for 2-4 weeks so to help with this we were told he will need warm compresses throughout the day and massages on his legs and thighs 4-5 times a day.

His heart sounded great so no worry of congestive heart failure which is what we were worried about and his temp was perfect.

By the time we left the golf ball was gone on his leg and the swelling in legs were reduced by half bc he was moving around so much so we felt pretty confident in the diagnosis until we could research further and eventually talk with his oncology team. 

It was a scary experience and we got home super late but we were thankful it wasn't because of his heart. His care and needs right now are 24/7. He is still having diarrhea really bad and having issues every time he stretches, sneezes, stands up, sits down, and barks (and by issues I mean it shoots out of his butt like a rocket). 😲 We are handling it. 

I adjusted his medications and took him off the 1 pill that I think is exacerbating the issue so we will see what his doctor says if and when they get back with me. We are managing the diarrhea with depends diapers (I bought the largest size of kid pull-ups they had but they were too small for him). The depends are working well and we are letting him drink as much water as he wants to keep him hydrated. 

Another issue we are having is Max's booty-licious butt is getting super raw from all the diarrhea. We have to wipe him down bc it gets everywhere and his butt is starting to get raw. I started using neosporin on his backside to help but we switched over the diaper rash ointment so protect and help heal his butt. (update: the diaper rash ointment healed his butt almost completely in 4 days. It worked amazing).

Hoping to hear back from his team soon so we can figure out this diarrhea and see if it's from the chemo or something else. 

Until then, my husband and I are tag teaming everything and we have a great system worked out with taking care of him. We are sleeping when we can, trying to make sure he eats, although is appetite has been bad, and keeping him hydrated. Thank God for an understanding husband and one that is helping through this bc it is really a 24/7 job right now taking care of him. 

Thank you for reading and for all of your prayers for our sweet boy. Hoping we can figure this out and get him better.

Cost of ER Visit:
$150

xoxoxo,

Brenda

Vinblastine #3 and New Tests ......

We took Max to MSU for his 3rd round of Vinblastine Chemotherapy today (10/15). 

He has been experiencing some symptoms since his last treatment of constipation and GI upset. He's having a real hard time pooping - lots of straining and not pooping for days. He is also not eating well. One entire day he threw up everything he ate including water and pills. The next day he refused to eat. His stomach is obviously very upset so his eating is very off and he is having issues with the potty. He has also been in some pain and we were thinking it was muscle and joint pain from his chemo. He has been walking slow and will yelp when he tries to jump up on the bed or couch. We are now lifting him to get up on furniture. 

We wanted some scans done today to see if they could find out if his cancer had maybe spread to his bones or spine which could be causing the discomfort and pain. Thankfully, there was no evidence of spread of disease on his bones or spine. The scans showed that his hips looked great and his prostatic tumor and lymph nodes are stable, which is all great news!

The scans did detect a disc that was thinner than what it should be which could be causing the discomfort. They are concerned that Max has the early stages of Degenerative Disk Disease. Here is the definition of DDD:

Degenerative disc disease causes spontaneous degeneration of the outer part of the disc, resulting in sudden disc rupture or herniation (also called a "slipped disc"). It may not be related to injury, although the rupture frequently occurs after some sort of traumatic event, such as a fall or a relatively small jump.

Although this act is frequently blamed for the disc rupture, the injury actually occurred due to chronic disc degeneration. Most dogs with degenerative disc disease are middle-aged, from three to seven years old. There is likely a genetic predisposition to this disease. Certain breeds, especially the Dachshund, Poodle, Pekinese, Lhasa Apso, German Shepherd Dog, Doberman, and Cocker Spaniel have a high incidence of intervertebral disc disease.

They are not saying Max has this, but there is concern for it. The problem if not addressed can be loss of mobility if the disc ruptures. This can be reversed with bed rest. So, Max has been put on 2-4 weeks of bed rest. No running. No jumping on furniture or the bed and he needs to just rest his back in hopes that it can heal the disk issue. Very surprised that this is happening and just another thing for us to worry about and deal with on top of everything else we are going through. We moved our mattress top into the living room so he wouldn't have to jump up on anything. At this point, he can't even step up on that so we are having to lift him up onto it. He can jump off it and he can slowly go down and up the 3 small steps outside on our back deck. 

When they did his scan to check for cancer spread, they found fluid in Max's abdomen. They drew out some of the fluid to have it tested. This fluid can be there for many different reasons, and his doctor is thinking it's because of his recent GI tract upset. The fluid can go away if it is indeed caused from is GI tract upset so we are moving Max to blande foods to try and get his tummy back in shape so he can have some relief. 

Max's test results came back for the fluid in his abdomen and it has cancer in it (deep breath). This cancer and fluid can go away if the chemo shrinks it. It can hold in place and he can live with it this way if the chemo stabilizes it. Or it can progress.

After we got off the phone with his oncologist with this news, we immediately prayed and thanked God for Max. The fact we have Max is God ordained. The story of how we got him is amazing and one that I will share one day. He is meant to be ours and we are so thankful for him and his crazy antics.

Not the news we wanted but looking ahead and staying positive. We are staying focused on the good. We are staying focused on how Max is doing so well through this entire crazy rollercoaster journey and we are staying focused on how God is good.... all the time. Through our tears. Through sorrow. Through the happiness and joy that we still find.

Side note: In hindsight - we should have never done this 3rd round of Vinblastine chemo. We should have given his tummy time to heal and reset since he is struggling so much. The day he had his next chemo, he started a new pill regime. He has a lot of new pills to help with pain in his back and also to help get is GI Tract feeling better. 

As soon as we introduced the new meds and after his 3rd chemo of Vinblastine, he started having uncontrollable diarrhea (see another blog post about this). We are now on day 8 of horrible diarrhea. I took him off his tummy med that is suppose to help his GI Tract (Ondansetrone). A side effect of this pill can be diarrhea and his other pills that are pain pills usually have constipation side effects so I took him off this pill to see if it helped. 

Now, do what we had to do. Wipe those tears away. Please join us in thanking God for this high spirited spunky joyful black and white furry dog named Max that has changed our lives and been a part of yours! We are not done yet! We are hopeful. We have to be. Let's enjoy our time with Max. The cancer doesn't win in the end. We do. Max wins. We all win bc we know a dog named Max.

xoxoxo - Brenda



Day 1 (10/15): Max woke up wanting to eat and ate his normal breakfast of Dr. Harvey's and broccoli and chicken with bone broth. Yummy! For lunch he had cottage cheese and raspberries. He was super picky at dinner though so I had to be creative. He literally spit out his Dr. Harvey's which was quite comical. He is walking slow still and we have to lift him until we can get a ramp for the mattress. He yelped once when trying to jump up on the couch. He is pooping without straining but he now has diarrhea probably bc of the new meds and the chemo. We will get that under control with meds. He did a great job today of just resting. He doesn't seem to fall asleep after his Gabapentin or Codeine like I wish he would but from about 2pm on today he slept throughout the day. My boy needs his rest to fight this cancer! Today was the first day of all of his new meds. He took them well.

Day 2: Max didn't want his Dr. Harvey's again today and he only ate a little chicken for breakfast. I decided to switch him back to just kibble for now since that seems to be the only thing he really wants. He ate a great lunch of kibble and then he had chicken, pumpkin, and cottage cheese for dinner and a late night 2nd dinner of kibble. He rested a lot today. He still has diarrhea and is squirting poop when he farts in the house. He is also squirting his pee when he stretches or stands up. I bought him Depends (size small/medium) and he has been wearing those to catch everything and I have him lying on pee pads to also help. His stool is still loose. This is day 2 of the diarrhea meds so hoping tomorrow we see a big turn around with his stool. He seems to be walking better and not in as much pain most likely from the pain meds he is on. He rested all day again with no problem.

Day 3: Max wants nothing to do with his Dr. Harvey's or broccoli any more. He didn't even want kibble soaked in bone broth. For breakfast he had straight kibble with chicken. He is still loving his chicken thighs. For lunch he had cottage cheese and chicken with pumpkin. For dinner he had kibble. Late night snack at 11pm of kibble again. He still has horrible diarrhea and he is having trouble keeping it in when inside the house. If he stretches, sneezes, gets up, or farts, poop comes out. I bought him Depends diapers (size s/m) which is keeping things where they should be instead of on carpet and beds and then we are putting Depends diaper (size xl) over top of the smaller size for extra coverage due to spillage. He is squirting pee as well when he sneezes and stretches. The depends is helping us. We have to wipe him down after every potty break (wipe his butt) and we are using moist grooming towelettes but his but has become raw from all the diarrhea. I am putting on neosporin on his butt after each potty break.

**Emergency room vet at 7pm tonight due to huge swelling in Max's back legs. See blog post about the visit. We stopped giving him his tummy pills (Ondansetron). Last pill he had was 8am Thursday morning. We think this is giving him the diarrhea so we are only giving him pain pills, diarrhea med and the Carprofen right now. Pumpkin only. No Metamucil.

Day 4: Max had 1/2 cup of dry kibble for breakfast. We are sticking with only giving him his pain meds, Carprofen, and diarrhea meds right now. He had chicken and pumpkin for an early morning snack. I started massaging him this morning to help the fluid in his legs move and to reduce the swelling and then gave him warm compresses (heating pad) on his legs. I will do this 4 times a day to help with the fluid buildup in his legs. He had bad diarrhea around 8am this morning. Hoping his diarrhea meds start kicking in. He is drinking and eating some. Only chicken for dinner. He didn't want kibble or anything else. He still had swelling last night.

Day 5: Max slept from 11pm - 5:30am. He had peanut butter poop this morning which is better than diarrhea so we are hoping his bland diet, taking him off his GI tract pills and only giving him the meds he needs is working. He is drinking really well so far today. He only wanted chicken this morning and not much of it. We made him rice and chicken so hoping we can keep him on this bland diet and that he will eat it. He still has swelling in both legs and the swelling in his abdomen is more. I am massaging him throughout the day and doing warm compresses. He doesn't appear to be in any pain. Just focusing on the swelling right now and trying to get his diarrhea under control. He has been resting all day. He is peeing in his diapy. He started doing this yesterday and today. We think it's bc he is drinking a lot of water (which is good since he has such bad diarrhea) and bc of his fluid retention. Some of that fluid is probably moving through him. The depends diapers have been a game changer for us. He was refusing to eat this afternoon and we are trying to keep him on a bland diet since his tummy is upset. He spit out rice all day and will only eat chicken but then stopped wanting that. Our friend Amy Pluth suggested lean ground beef so we made that and mixed it with rice and he gobbled it up and wanted more. This made our day! So so thankful! He hasn't pooped a lot today but when he does go, it's only a little bit. He had a lot of diarrhea earlier on in the day but throughout the day he hasn't gone too much. Still diarrhea when he does go. We are using diaper rash ointment on his butt since it's so raw from pooping. We are hoping to see a turn around tomorrow with his diarrhea since we are finally getting rice in him and some lean beef. Hopefully this will help his tum tum. His left leg is the one with most of the swelling. Still doing massages and warm compresses, although he is not liking the massages all too well. I try to do it while he sleeps.

Day 6: Max has had a MUCH better day today! He woke up bright and alert and ate well all day long (burger and rice). He was up from 6:30am and never slept or took a nap until 4pm! He has been sleeping all day for the past 5 days and he's been very inactive. Today he was active, walked around a lot, begged for our lunch and flew off the bed when he smelled me making his dinner. The fluid is rapidly leaving his body. He is peeing in his diapy a ton and he is pooping all water. His legs are still very swollen but the fluid in his abdomen has gone down a ton. He was very alert today and wanted to be outside where he laid in the sun and tried to eat bugs. He gave tons of kissies today and moaned when he wanted to be rubbed (like his normal self). We are hoping and praying this is him turning the corner. We take him to MSU tomorrow morning to meet with the head Oncologist about what we need to do moving forward. Hoping to see continued improvement and that the fluid continues to leave his body and that he continues to improve.

Day 7 (10/21/19): We took Max to MSU today to meet with Dr. Paulo. Max had diarrhea once today. He had a blood panel ran and his numbers all looked ok (wbc was 2.2 and APL was high which is indicative of tummy issues). Dr. Paulo was not concerned with anything on his panel. He ate some burger and rice when we got home from  MSU. He slept well. His R leg is swollen around 20% and his L leg is swollen around 35-40%. Abdomen around 25%.

Day 8: Max slept from 10p-6:15am. He had a great night sleep. He had diarrhea with the consistency of peanut butter this morning and then a very water diarrhea in the afternoon. He hate 2 tbls of greek yogurt along with 2 small meals of burger. He will be eating beef again today and we will switch him over to chicken tomorrow. His R leg is swollen around 15% and his L leg is swollen around 30% at the joint/knee. His abdomen is swollen around 20%. Swelling appears to still be going down and Max has started to alert us when he has to go potty. He hasn't pooped in his diapy since Friday but he is still peeing in it.

Day 9: Still has diarrhea but it's been small probably bc he is not eating much at all. He is only picking at burger and steak at this point and wants nothing to do with the rice. He did eat a little yogurt yesterday which we are hoping will settle his GI Tract. He is still pretty sleepy.

Day 10: Max is really not wanting to eat anything. He won't even take his pills at this point. He ate some eggs this morning and a little tuna but refused a cheeseburger from McDonalds, which is his absolute favorite. He is very tired still. He has diarrhea but only goes a little bit now. His pee stance is very different, almost like he's uncomfortable to pee and we have to lift him up to even go outside to pee at this point. His left leg is still very swollen and the swelling seems to be coming and going. His R leg is better (only about 10% swelling around his knee). We went outside and layed in the grass for awhile and took pictures. He really enjoyed it. He was smelling the crisp air, jumped when a leaf would blow like he was going to attack it, and kissed the hell out of us. He was happy. And so were we.

Day 11:

Day 12:

Day 13:

Day 14:

2nd Week of Vinblastine Chemo.....

Max did really well with his first round of his new chemo drug, Vinblastine. His only side effect was that he was pretty tired most of the week, but he never experienced nausea or an upset tummy likehis previous chemo. He ate like a champ and his stools looked like healthy dog poop (I am obsessed with his poop!).

Starting on Saturday, 9/28, Max started getting really restless. He just couldn't relax and he would get upset when I wasn't in the same room as him. He would moan and whine until I came in the same room and he was just over all pretty restless. We had a restless night's sleep as well. Sunday wasn't too bad and he seemed less anxious but then on Monday and Tuesday (10/1) he was restless again and just wanted to be near me.

He had his 2nd round of Vinblastine chemo today at MSU and clinically his oncologist is very happy with him. His bloodwork looked great (WBC count was even high) and his lungs and heart all sound great. She said she was very happy with how he looked. She wasn't sure what the reason was for his restlessness.

I can't think of anything that we changed or that is different except he did start getting constipated onSaturday and he has been straining to poop since then. He will go eventually, and his poop looks good, but he is straining now more than he has been lately. Maybe he is having constipation pain? He isn't passing gas or anything like that and I give him 1/4 teaspoon of MetaMucil in his meals but maybe it has to do with constipation pain. I will keep an eye on that and just continue to baby the heck out of him.

We will see what this week has in store for us. Hoping he continues to do well with this new chemo med and praying it stays in stock. There was a nationwide shortage a few months back on this drug so we don't want that to happen again!

**Update 10/3/19: As the week has gone on, his restlessness has subsided but he has also turned the corner on pooping (he is back to pooping well!). I am thinking his restlessness was bc he was constipated and could not get comfortable and just wanted to be babied. He was probably having tummy pain. 

2nd week of Vinblastine Chemo:

Day 1: (10/1) Max was restless again today when we got home and only wanted to be near me the entire day. He has been straining to poop for a few days now.

Day 2: Max had a pretty good day today. He was tired and rested most of the day and he ate well, although he wanted nothing to do with his green beans this morning and kept spitting them out, which I found hilarious! Sammy swooped in to save the day! LOL! He is really straining to poop right now. We are trying to figure out why. I also spoke with his oncologist about putting him back on his joint supplement again bc he seems to be achy. This could be from the crazy weather changes we have been having lately but not sure. Hoping the joint supplements help him. We are watching his pooping closely.

Day 3: Prayers were answered (Thank you God and everyone that prayed) because Max finally turned the corner with his pooping! I think with the nature of his disease, there are just going to be times when things happen that I can't put my finger on. I am VERY focused on trying to figure out what is happening with him at all times and when something like constipation happens when we haven't changed anything, I freak out. I try to adjust his foods but that probably makes things worse. Last night (10/2) around dinner time his pooping changed. He had a great poop without straining and ever since then (12 poops - yep I count) he has done great! His poops all look great and he is not straining. Thank you God! I need to just remember to take deep breaths. He is doing well, eating well, and was back to his chipper self more today. I think the tiredness from the chemo is starting to wear off now and he had a couple of barking moments today and a bigger pep in his step.

He is back on his joint supplement so I am hoping to see an improvement over the next week with how he's doing there. He is losing hair at his radiation site, which is normal. He stopped radiation several weeks ago so it just shows us how it continues to work even after treatment. His hair loss doesn't seem to be bothering or itching him thankfully. We will see how tomorrow goes with his eating bc day 4 & 5 after chemo on his last chemo med gave him an upset tummy day 4 & 5. He did not experience this on Vinblastine (new chemo drug) 2 weeks ago so we are hoping he will do just fine tomorrow.

Day 4: Max did great today! He ate really well and never had nausea or issues with eating. We have given him a Cerenia pill every day to help keep the nausea at bay and that seems to work great. He does way better with Vinblastine than he did with Mytoxantrone. It just seems to be much easier on his tummy. No issues today. He is eating well and pooping great. Energy is coming back and he is not as tired.

Day 5:  Max did well again today. He is still eating well and not having any issues with nausea. I did not give him a Cerenia pill today. He still did well. Smaller pooping today. Little straining. We left him and Sammy for 5 hours today to go to the camper show. It is the first time we have left Max for more than 2 hours since May. He did fantastic. No peeing in the house!

Day 6: Max had smaller poops this morning and is straining a little to poop. He seemed antsy again this morning a little bit wanting to be rubbed all morning. Not sure if his constipation is coming back again or not. Will monitor this all day today.

Day 7: So far so good today! Max woke up bouncing around and excited to eat! He pooped well late last night and so far this morning. We are wondering if being sore is a side effect of Vinblastine. He appears to be super sore and has even yelped a few times when he has had to jump (off the bed, out of the tub). We will continue to monitor this for a possible side effect to the new chemo med. At 11am today Max was really nauseated for some reason. He was restless and was pacing and very nauseated. I gave him a Cerenia pill and then CBD oil and the CBD oil finally helped him. He was able to rest in the afternoon, but would have little bouts of nausea here and there. I gave him a few tablespoons of boiled chicken for dinner along with 1/4 cup of warm bone broth. He was able to keep that down, but that is all I gave him the rest of the day. Not sure why he was nauseated. Maybe his wbc's regenerating themselves rapidly?? He fell asleep at 8pm and slept hard till 12am and then we took a potty break and gave him benadryl (for his allergies) and he slept then until 6am.

Day 8: He ate really well this morning (day 8) and was not nausous at all today. He had his blood panel done to check his wbc count and all of his blood work looked fantastic and his wbc count was low (3.61) but not too low to be worried about. He started pooping normal again after missing a meal yesterday and over night he had great poops.

Day 9: Over night last night he was up at 12am, 3am, and then 5am on. He pooped all those times and his poop was really good. He ate really well this morning but then threw up his food about an hour later. He threw up again around 12pm and then we gave him a handful of kibble around 1pm and he threw that up. I gave him 1/4 cup of white rice around 6pm and he kept that down. He has been VERY clingy today - not wanting to be without me and glued to my side. He is clearly not feeling well at all. He is drinking but straining to poop and nothing is coming out (probably bc he doesn't have anything in his stomach). I gave him a Cerenia pill around 2pm and he hasn't been nauseated since then. He finally laid down to rest at 8:30pm. We will see how the night goes.
*nothing in his stomach bc he threw it all up except for a 1/4 cup of white rice - prob the problem with pooping

Day 10: Max ate only rice and chicken for his meals today. He is having a real problem pooping. I am giving him metamucil and pumpkin but he hasn't pooped since day 8. He is very constipated.
*only ate chicken and rice today and he usually has super small poops on that meal. Could be the reason he still is not pooping.

Day 11: Max was up twice last night and has finally started to poop. I gave him kibble today bc I want to start feeding him some carbs to see if that helps him go to the bathroom. He pooped a few different times today.

Day 12: Max was up at 4am and he threw up. It was just stomach bile and we are thinking it was bc the last time he ate was at dinner at 4pm. We didn't give him his usual snack around 8pm bc we wanted to give his tummy a break since he has been off and on nauseaous this week. He ate kibble at 6:30am this morning and kept it down and drank water fine. Then at noon, I wanted to give him his Dr. Harveys bc he is still constipated and I wanted to get him back on his normal food and just the smell of it made him throw up. He didn't eat any. He has been vomiting since then (Once bc of the smell of it, then after I gave him a cookie with CBD oil on it, and then two more times after he drank water.). At this point, it's been 4 hours and he has thrown up 4 times after smelling food, eating a cookie, and drinking twice. We gave him a cerenia pill. His last pain pill was at 7am this morning. He seems to be doing better with his joints and muscles although he is visibably still sore, but, he has jumped up on the couch on his own several times. He even trotted outside a few times. He is pooping, but not a ton. He is still constipated but he has poop some (not a lot though). When he does eat he is still getting pumpkin and metamucil.




He is incredibly sore right now. Especially his back legs. He is struggling to jump up on the bed and the couch and we usually have to lift him up there. He has even yelped a few times when he has tried to jump or when we have picked him up.

Cost of treatment today:
$325